Choosing Peace Over Perseverance: My IVF Journey's End

Article ## My Decision to Step Off the IVF Carousel

As a society that often encourages perseverance, it's easy for me, a child of well-intentioned teachers, to recall being told as a kid that there was no such word as 'can't'.

Now, in my adulthood, I can't help but question myself. How many times have I allowed others' successes to remind me of what may be possible despite the obstacles? This time last year, with IVF for the third time, my life mirrored the unpredictability of a dream that quickly turned into nightmare.

Caterina Mete's recent announcement of her pregnancy at 43, using sperm donors and IVF, was met with triumph. The media celebrates such pregnancies in high-profile figures over the age of 40those who defy the odds. It reminded me that many women, including myself, share this journey.

My story began three years ago when I embarked on IVF as a single woman over the age of forty. As my fris and family encouraged me to continue, I found myself caught in a loop that seemed impossible to escapethe allure of hope mixed with the reality of multiple attempts without success.

The struggle became a dly conversation startera source of anxiety and anticipation. I found myself wishing for Leigh's exception: her six unsuccessful IVF rounds that ed with success instead of despr. But as my luck did not follow hers, my heart began to question whether this relentless pursuit was truly worth the emotional toll it took.

IVF is an addiction; once you're on its merry-go-round, it becomes hard to step offencouraged by tales of miracle babies and rnbow arrivals. It's a narrative that see suggest that if one keeps trying hard enough, success might come. Yet, this portrayal doesn't acknowledge the harsh realities for many women like myself.

The media glorifies older mothers having miracle pregnancies while simultaneously implying that we're foolish or unworthy of happiness by wting too long. The juxtaposition of these two messages can be disheartening and confusing. It's as if society expects us to ignore our biological clocks entirely, hoping for the best.

The pressure to continue comes from multiple sourcesthe media's stories about others' success, well-intentioned fris and family encouraging you not to give upand even your own body reminding you that time is ticking away. But what often goes unheard in these narratives is the need to recognize when it's time to step off for personal health or emotional well-being.

This year, I chose to stop after three rounds of IVF. The financial burden became a significant factor, but so too was my mental and physical exhaustion from trying agnst all odds. The fear that I might be missing out on something by stoppinglike many before mewas replaced with the hope that perhaps luck would finally smile upon someone else.

For every I can't there's an understanding that stepping off isn't a sign of weakness or flure; it's a choice made for oneselfa testament to self-awareness and self-care. It reminds us that sometimes, even when we believe in our dreams, they might not align with reality or health.

As I reflect on my journey through IVF, I'm reminded of the teachers who taught me there is no such thing as 'can't'. Instead, there are choices to make based on what works best for each individual at any given moment. This is a lesson that every woman embarking on this path should hear loud and clear: it's okay to take control when you feel it's time.

So, my advice to other women facing similar circumstances is to listen to your heart, acknowledge the limitations of modern fertility treatments, seek emotional support from trusted fris or professionals, and above all, make choices that prioritize your physical health and happiness.

As Leigh sd in her memoir, I can't. These are powerful words, reminding us not just of our limits but also of our strength when we know it's time to step away from what once seemed like our only hope.

In , my journey through IVF is a testament that while the quest for motherhood may seem less and filled with potential wonders, sometimes recognizing when you've given your best shot, and stepping off, can be one of life's greatest victories.
This article is reproduced from: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/05/friends-assumed-i-would-keep-going-but-after-three-rounds-of-ivf-i-knew-id-had-enough

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